It was the tale of our times that America could not turn awayfrom: The disgraced golf champion - plagued by marital difficultiesand a brush with the law - coming off a long professional layoff andseeking personal redemption on hallowed ground.
John Daly was at Augusta National over the weekend - actually,across the street - hawking T-shirts and other John Dalyparaphernalia from the side of his 45-foot RV. The huge sign on hismobile sign read, 'JOHN DALY MERCHANDISE SOLD HERE,' and not too farfrom the club's players entrance, Daly played the Masters from thegreen tees - cash only - offering his array of items.
Yes, the man who had gambled away millions of dollars neededmoney. Don't we all? In fact, this being tax week in a tougheconomy, I am reminded that all Americans could use an extra jinglein their pockets. So, as is customary this time of year, we nowoffer an expanded $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway to spread 10bits of joy to as many households as possible:
Q. It's tough rooting for the Washington Nationals, and now wemust sit and wait while the team sends pitching phenom StephenStrasburg down to the minors. What gives? (Brian King; St. Andrews,S.C.)
A. The Nationals don't want to rush Strasburg onto the big stage.Similarly, back in the early 1970s, the Metropolitan Opera, Ibelieve, shipped Luciano Pavarotti to the Ramada Inn cocktail loungein Morgantown, W.Va., for six weeks of seasoning before he made hisNew York debut in 'La Boheme.'
Q. Every time I can't fall asleep, I flick on the TV and you'retalking about somebody check-raising somebody. Doesn't poker have anoffseason? (Scott Greenberg; Carmel, Ind.)
A. Hey, pal, there is no off-season anymore. I used to mockESPN's Ron Jaworski for holing up at the NFL Films vault in MountLaurel, N.J., six days a week, 51 weeks a year, analyzing Cover 2.But nowadays, there I am - online at all hours of the night, tryingto turn 9-6 off-suit into a pot of gold.
Q. I found the Tiger Woods Nike ad cynical and my wife found itcreepy. If it's cynical and creepy, what's it selling? (ThomasLeeds; Milwaukee)
A. I'm not sure, but I'm already worried about this newtechnology that's going to allow my father to keep talking to meafter he's dead.
Q. Where were you when Barcelona's Lionel Messi scored four goalsagainst Arsenal last week in the European Champions Leaguequarterfinals? (David Peck; Charleston, W.Va.)
A. I believe I was watching Arena Football. It's back, baby!
Q. Brett Favre just became a grandfather. Being that he's areasonable guy, does this increase the chances he'll finally retire?(Matt Harvey; Beaumont, Tex.)
A. No. It increases the chances the NFL one day will see itsfirst grandfather-grandson combo playing for the same team.
Q. Since every ball that goes into the dirt gets tossed out of amajor league game, what happens when your wife drops a PBR whilehanding it to you? (Lou Berardinelli; Pittsurgh)
A. We flip a coin to see who picks it up and then I drink it.
Q. Why is baseball the only sport where managers/coaches don'tshake hands at the end of a contest? (Ken Beal; Urbana, Md.)
A. You've obviously never seen the lines for the postgameclubhouse buffet.
Q. OK, I give up - what exactly can I buy for $1.25 in cash thatis even remotely worthwhile? (Bill Sumrall; Dallas)
A. One 12-ounce bottle of Orange or Strawberry Crush (whereavailable). On second thought, they usually charge at least twobucks for that. You're right.
Q. Why aren't you up on your soapbox about the Twins' newtaxpayer-funded stadium? (Michael Lacey; Chagrin Falls, Ohio)
A. 1. The soapbox is tired of carrying my weight. 2. It's cold inMinnesota; if this warms 'em up, so be it.
Q. What's your take on a woman I saw this morning wearing aYankees cap and a Red Sox T-shirt? (Ralph Keyes; Stevensville, Md.)
A. Undateable and unmateable.
Q. Is it true that ESPN Classic is thinking about producing 'TopFive Reasons You Can't Blame The Slouch For His Previous Marriages'?(Bob Osborne; Glenshaw, Pa.)
A. I endure the pain and, as always, the readers enjoy the gain.
Q. You love PBR, the PBA and probably PB&Js, too. Come clean -any others? (Mark Cohen; Gibsonia, Pa.)
A. Peabo Bryson.
Q. Bottom of the ninth inning: tie game, bases loaded. If thebatter gets hit in the leg by a pitch, do they call it a 'limp-offHBP'? (William Ortenberg; Benicia, Calif.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
Q. Does your conscience ever bother you when authorizing buck-and-a-quarter checks to your loyal readers while driving yourBugattiVeyronPur Sang from your penthouse pied-a-terre to yourseaside villa? (Lowell Ressler; Asotin, Wash.)
A. You have quite an imagination, sir - in truth, I drive a mopedfrom my basement apartment to the 99 Cent Only store.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Juste-mail asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win$1.25 in cash!
